She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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