o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
