I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
