I'm gonna have a badass scar
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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