If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
