So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
