tell your sister to shave her snatch
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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