i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Mom said you looked used
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Damn victory sex feels great
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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