There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
