so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
