After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
