she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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