Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
