i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
