I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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