Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
