I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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