i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
two words: eviction party
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
