You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
