whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
