Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
