You smell like stripper and shame
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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