You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
