Someone shattered a urinal.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
