I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
