Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
