Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
