Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
