Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
