I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
