ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
