I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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