I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
