As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
