its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
