theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
