Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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