There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
