so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
