I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
