Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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