It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
