i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
