so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
