if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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