never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
