Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
