real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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