his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
