We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
