What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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