did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I AM VODKA MAN
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
